Can you imagine what it is like not to be able / allowed to pick up or hold your baby for an entire week?! It’s awful. Truly, gut-wrenchingly painful.
I know I’ve been here before. After I gave birth, it was Day 6 before I got my first cuddle with Dominic, but somehow this feels much worse. I think it’s because he’s aware. He knew I was there, he was upset and crying – and all I could do was stroke his head. The rest of him having been swaddles within an inch of life because he is (in the nurses words) “wild” 😂
Personally, I am very grateful for my, feisty, wiggly, wriggly, wild child – but it’s not great when you’re plugged into so many different machines and have just had your airway sliced apart and grafted.
Anyway, they have been weaning him off the sedatives – I’m going to list them as they sound, with no guarantee the spelling is anywhere close. We have: morphine (I know I’ve got that one right) medazalan, chloral, clonadine. We’re now down to just a small dose of morphine and the odd bolus of chloral.
This is great – but it does mean that Dominic is awake a lot more, and with that also comes the awareness of his surroundings and how uncomfortable he is…
Plus side – we are now detached from the ventilator! Whoop! They weaned the oxygen and maintained pressures until he was just on cpap before detaching the ventilator entirely and giving him a Swedish Nose.
The Swedish nose is pretty much a damp sponge that helps humidify the air as he breathes it in. More importantly than that though – it’s just stuck on the end of his tube so he can actually move his head. Imagine… being tied to a bed by your left nostril… grim…
It also means I get to pick him up! No joke, I was mid sentence (I’m currently reading “The Night Circus” to him) when I got the nod from the dr. I literally whipped down the side of the incubator, detached the ECG leads and threaded my arms through all the central line wires, Sats cuff, BP cuff, NG tube and had him out and in my arms before anyone could change their minds!
It is always a little awkward at first, because you’ve always got a wire wrapped round somewhere it shouldn’t be, a blanket digging in somewhere, the profusion pumps beeping ‘line occlusion’ at you – all while you’re trying to keep Dominic’s head fairly still because he still has a giant plastic tube down his windpipe – but we work it out eventually and cuddle cuddle cuddle for hours until my arm is dead and my stomach is complaining because I haven’t eaten in 10 hours.
Totally worth it though!
FYI: Swedish Nose